paper sandwich.

many people observe that mckay is bigger than jack. 

true.

this might be why. 

observe:

when we go to church, he asks the usher at the door for 12 programs--not just one. when i asked him the reason for this he just replies, "an hour is way to long for my size of stomach. i'm a growing boy, mom. now pass me the paper". 

when we pull up to mcdonald's, he just asks for napkins and a drink of water.

he snuck out of his crib while everyone was still sleeping this morning and tossed our paper shredder off the balcony. when i asked him the reason for this he replied, 'that shredder was such a waste of energy, don't you think? i have found my new calling in life, mother. please refer to me as 'mckayper the shredder of paper'. now please mom, step aside. i'm hungry. has the newsboy come by yet this fine morning? i need to tip him for last sunday's delivery." 

he never gets to the end of a book either.

ps: oh, and btw--he is requesting that for his birthday to wrap his presents 3 times please (nothing like a securely wrapped present, mckay always says). thanks.

oh---jack's too. mckay will help him out, now worries! 

grocerysmarts.com II

this is for people i didn't email already and also for the illiterate who didn't want to take the 3 hours to read my last post (kaydee)...

i've had lots of emails, comments and calls from people asking me about the coupon shopping stuff so i was thinking it might be more useful to just have the guy come to my house and just have a little class so he can explain it. i will only do this if there are enough people interested in actually showing up.

please let me know by email if you are interested (hayliebowler@gmail.com). even though i will most likely just end up picking a day for this class, i would still like to know what day(s)/time(s) are best for you. feel free to bring your spouse--kids are welcome as long as they are willing to play outside (weather permitting) or play with toys very quietly upstairs.

this is a really inexpensive way to go get your food storage stocked up. i've saved at least 40% every time i get groceries. remember it's free. there are no log-ins, sign-ups, registrations, surveys or hassle. all you need is a sunday newspaper to get the coupons and a little extra time to clip them.

defining moment [for addie].

defining moment

noun

an event that typifies or determines all subsequent related occurrences.

dear addie,

i knew this day would come. i wasn't sure when, but i knew it would eventually come. i was thinking back, trying to remember when i ran away for the first time. i think i was your exact same age. 

     

hmmm, interesting. anyway, grandpa and grandma probably don't know this but i took off on my flower-covered banana seat schwinn [i'll teach you later what a banana seat is] heading south on diane lane after a fit of rage and jealousy. i remember being so angry and so upset, just like you were tonight, when grandpa took matt to an isu basketball game but left me home. the frustration, the anger, the buckets of tears, i remember so well. i remember the thought clear as a bell that i was pretty darn sure i would never go back. but, after riding for only a couple blocks and becoming a little thirsty (man--those tears really suck up the water reserves), i drove back home and resigned to the fact that i would really miss my mom and my bed.

......................................................

today, actually this whole week has been chuck-full of "firsts" for you: your first day in first grade, your first upper tooth became loose, your first insisted-on-walking-over-to-maddie's-house-all-by-yourself-without-anyone-accompanying-you-especially-NOT-your-mom-for-crying-out-loud aaaaaand today was also the first "i hate you mom" day.

you screamed at me--the loudest i've ever heard you scream. 

you told me you hated me. 

you said you didn't love me anymore.

and

(there's more)

you didn't want to be with me anymore

and you didn't love our family

and then

topped it all off with the cherry called "running away to the front yard"

(for a couple minutes anyway)

all because you didn't want to come home from playing.

i'm so relieved you chose not run away for real.

i know it seems like i know everything. in fact, you said it yourself the other day when you called me a "super-knower". um, confession: 

i don't know everything. 

i was totally blind-sided by your first "i hate mom" outburst, i had no idea what to do. the last thing i want to do is give you a reason for therapy later on in life because i did or did not say something in particular (although, everybody goes to therapy for something sooner or later in life--might as well be this, right?). anyway, this is the part where i asked Heavenly Father--pleaded really--to help me know how to handle the situation. i'm so glad He did and, might i add,  it's a darn good thing too because what i wanted to do was TOTALLY different from what He suggested. 

He whispered to me very softly (and may i just say it was a miracle that i even heard that still small voice because you were also making sure i heard you VERY loud and clear)

. Heavenly Father told me to let you get all the screaming and nastiness out first. 

so i did. 

i just sat there and listened. then, when you were done, you told me you weren't going to live with me anymore. i asked again, "um--what do i do?" Heavenly Father said to let you runaway. [insert sound of screeching needle on a record--i'll explain to you what records are later]

WHAT?!

let you?!!?

uh, ok.

so i did. 

sitting there in silence was very hard to do as i watched you stomp your way down the hall heading straight for the door. but can i just say i was very impressed with your choice of runaway clothes? the outfit you put together--the hunting pants and sparkly green shirt along with your pink snow boots was very nice. very well thought-out. i digress...

hollynd's tears really took us both surprise, don't you think? she really showed how much she really does love you when she ran to me exclaiming, "but mom, who will i play with when you are busy?! is my sister really leaving me? i don't want her to leave! no mom!" 

it broke my heart. but, even amidst hollynd's sadness and you still leaving, as i sat there in silence, the spirit told me to empathetically give you a great big hug, tell you that i loved you and that i was really going to miss you.

i can see now why i was told to do this and telling you why is my purpose in writing this letter. 

as a mom, i have always felt it important to teach you that this gift from God, called agency, is your most valuable possession. i never imagined before having you how terribly frightened i would become when the opportunity would present itself for you to use this gift. see, i knew deep in my heart that in order for you to really "get it", i would also have to give up control and allow you to exercise your agency. i knew that these instances would become what are known as defining moments for you in your life. whatever you choose in these defining moments is out of my hands. 

big woop, sounds easy, right?

um, no.

i would say these moments are most frightening to me. like tonight. 

like i said before, i really don't know what i'm doing as a mom. i love that right now you think i know everything but these types of revelations that i'm not perfect and that i don't know everything are going to come to you more often as you get older (you growing up is so bitter-sweet for me). i do know one thing for sure though. what i do know is that i love you. the love i have for you is perfect. i will always love you-- more deeply than in ways i can articulate. no matter what your choices in life, i will always love you. i also know that most of the time when i actually do say or do something right it's because of Heavenly Father stepping in. i say that to give Him credit, but also so that you may remember to go to Him when you are a mom. His guidance will be your most powerful asset when you get blind-sided by your daughter's first "i hate y

ou mom" outburst. moreover, He will help you when you are faced with difficult decisions. Heavenly Father loves you too no matter what you choose. 

i'm so glad you chose to stay home.

i love you forever,

mom

*photos of addie in the tree and 

of us together by wendy at

blue lily photography

    

don't go breakin' my heart.

this is addie and my twin sister, doofus. she doesn't get out much because she usually embarrasses the family when she does.

 

makes you wonder why hollynd refused to participate. she normally loves doofus.

i almost wet myself the first time i watched this. 

addie cracks me up.

grocerysmarts.com

i have been wanting to blog about grocery smarts for months now. it makes me excited. i found out about it through various neighbors and friends. i didn't want to spread the word until i tried it out for a decent amount of time to see if it is really all it's cracked up to be. here is my review:

i love it.

i want to marry it.

the end.

instead of writing a novel about how it works, here is the website (there are super simple instructions there):

www.grocerysmarts.com

on the right side of the page, enter the following passport code: g84r01

it will take you to a utah page of sorts with all the utah grocery stores listed. on the left side there is a button you can click on for instructions as to how this works. 

just so you know, it's all free. no signing up for anything, no nothing.

all you have to do is have a resource for coupons like mailers, newspapers, etc. i have 4--count them FOUR--newspaper subscriptions just so i can get the sunday paper's coupons. the rest is just thrown away. i know, i'm a tree killer. but atleast i'm a cute tree killer. if you think that sounds expensive that i have 4 newspaper subscriptions--you're right. but the extra money i have saved has paid for those newspaper subscriptions 3 times over. really! i've kept track. if you're really hurting for money and can't spare the extra dough on a newspaper to get the coupons, just borrow somebody else's or just use the items that have internet coupons listed.

in a nutshell: it's basically a website that shows you when to use your coupons. 

instead of just using a coupon to just use it, you save them and use them when items go on sale. thus, you have this beautiful scenario:

 item + coupon + sale = dang sweet deal. 

it's pretty simple. not a lot of thinking on your part. 

what i like:

• you get items for free on frequent occasions. i.e. my last grocery shopping trip about 10 days ago i got minute maid orange juice and 4 boxes of baby rice cereal all for nada.
  
• you get items you already buy all the time for a lot less money than what you're used to. i bought 4 boxes of dishwasher detergent last week for 9 CENTS each people!
  
• you become wiser as to what is a good price and what is a bad price. in other words, you know when the grocery store is pulling one over on ya'. you get pickier.
  
• your food storage gets built up for a lot less money than what you think.
• your food storage gets built up faster.
• you eventually go to the store less often because you have a good supply of food already on hand. you make your menus according to what you already have.
• stores you didn't shop at before because you thought were too expensive now become very accessible. 
• you find yourself having this conversation in your brain on frequent occasions: "self, you should try that item. you've never tried it before. i know you would normally look past that muy expensivo box of cereal in days past but look! you can buy it today for only 25 cents! wow! 25 cents! what the heck...i'll give it a try."
• you can use this system at any store, at any time, on any budget. this system is totally and completely customize-able.

as with all things that sound too good to be true, they are just that. so, if you were to ask me if there are any cons, i guess these would be mine (note: opinons vary depending on the user. and, there are only a few--that's a good thing):

• it takes a long time to clip my coupons before going to the store. this may be due to the fact that i don't go to the store often which means my list is double what your's probably is. plus, my kids interrupt my thinking process. i really have to concentrate when using scissors and it doesn't help when i get interrupted 54 different times. however, i have several friends who have perfected this and say they don't spend that much time on it anymore. i'll find out what their system is and share later or if you are one of these people, share your experience in the comments section so we can all benefit!
  
• depending on the day you go shopping, items run out quickly on the better deals--but thank goodness for rain checks.
• initially, it takes about 6-8 weeks to have a pretty good collection of coupons. i was let-down a little when i first heard about grocerysmarts, bought my newspapers, was all set to go printing off my list and saw that most of the coupons needed for those initial weeks--i didn't have. it takes a little patience, but eventually you really do get the good deals and it makes the wait worth it.

for those of you who want to know exactly what i do: read part II. if you don't care stop here and just go to grocerysmarts website.

hope this helps you out. love ya', bye!

part II

my system:

1. i put all 4 newspapers in the garbage during the week. they rarely make it into my house.
   
2. on sundays, i gather all 4 newspapers, unravel them and collect all the coupon booklets (smart source, red plum and p & g). i throw the rest of the paper away unless there is a funny comic picture of presidential candidates. i think these are really funny. 
   
3. i file the coupons. i have 3 hanging files labeled smart source, red plum, p & g and other. i put each booklet behind last week's booklet so each file of booklets are in chronological order.
   
4. when it's time to go shopping i go to grocerysmarts.com, pick which store i'm going to, print list of items i will buy besides what is already on my regular shopping list of things i ran out of during the week/month.
   
5. clip the coupons. the list i printed tells me exactly where the coupons are in my file.
6. go shopping.
7. cry, scream and do the happy-dance because i saved mucho dinero on my grocery bill.

that's it.

i like to share things that are useful to me. i hope this in some way helps you and your family out. i would love to hear any feedback you may have! if you have any questions about my experience, just leave them in my comments or email me. i will for sure get back to you!

on that note, i wish you peace love and free rice krispies.

have fun!

september + harvest = corn fest

these were taken the other night during our "blasted field finally all done being planted" celebration. thanks to everyone who helped us! all your hard work is very much appreciated!

rodeo princess.

i found this on the floor today as i was cleaning up:

i love how this girl sees herself.

outlet.

a lot of people don't get blogging. why do people blog you may ask?

well, dear friends, for me, it's an outlet....

speaking of outlets,

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

[sigh]

i feel so much better.

this calls for pictures of puppies. puppies make everything better.

ahhhh.  

thank you, outlet [kiss kiss]

see you tomorrow. 

heard at my house as of late [this week].

"heh he he heh heeeee eh heh", said jack as he started climbing the stairs for the first time.

"mom, dad makes breakfast better", said hollynd.

"mom, there's a bump on my toe and i think it's giving me a headache", said addie.

"i wished i lived here. it's sooooo great", said maddie s., hollynd's bff.

"da da da da da da ooooooooooo", said mckay after he crawled over to the dog bed, grabbed one of the puppies and gave it a kiss.

"hedo diddo eeefie!!", said addie to kaydee on the phone.

"hee heh he he he hehheh hee hee", said jack when i walked in to get him from his nap and he was standing up holding onto the crib railing with his diaper down around his ankles (with poop attached).

"my mom and dad know eeeverything. they're super-knowers!", said addie after i explained to chessa, addie's bff, the reason why dogs don't get sick from eating food off the floor but we humans do.

"uh, oh. oh. ooooooh", said mckay after dropping his cup on the floor for the 48th time [on purpose].

"hee hehe heh heehhheh hee hee", said jack as i discovered him sitting in my empty dishwasher with the bottom rack pushed onto the floor.

weeding.

i looked down at my hands after i finished some yard work. i was taken aback as to how old they looked. i said to myself, "self, you are getting old. time to use some lotion or something". or maybe just use gloves next time. duh.

probably a good thing i named this post "weeding" instead of "dirty diapers", don't you think?

heh, heh.

kaydee & casey's blog.

kaydee finally made a blog!!!!!!!!! (click here to see).

yippeee!!!

it's about time!

artsy fartsy clouds.

my mom is funny. she gets excited about funny things-- funny things like-- clouds. i know, but really. she likes clouds. see, she's an artist. don't you just think those artists are just silly? 

case in point--2 of them actually:

1)  berets. where did those things come from? do they actually help you paint better pictures? 

2) my artist sister, kaydee (on the right) with addie, another right-brained freak. not a serious bone in their body.

anyway, back to my mom. mom is also a teacher. she's not supposed to talk on her cell phone while in school but she was so excited about the clouds she saw at recess and forgot her camera, she snuck out in the hall, called me and told me about them. that's how excited she gets about clouds. don't get mad that i just revealed that, k mom?

alright, alright--the truth be know--i get excited about clouds too.

     

these pictures illustrate only some of the reasons why i want to kiss my house.

love the view from the west side.

those darn sassy toys.

i get 4 subscriptions to the newspaper. the reason for that is a whole nother blog post in and of itself (is nother a word? i just made it up). anyway, keep that thought on hold. just stay with me for a second. 

so, instead of throwing all those papers away like i normally do, i decided to unravel and read on for a change. i opened the deseret news to this article:

enemies abound for the first-time mom by erin stewart

although i'm past the 1st time mom gitters, the article really struck a chord for me. the part about the sassy toys was very amenable. 

since the day addie came out of me and i was knighted 'oh great mother of she-offspring', i'm pretty sensitive as to how they are developing their self-image. i honestly really never thought much of this issue until i had little girls of my own. i mean, really, i get pretty protective now. do you? have you seen what's out there marketed towards little girls?

i am always left dumbfounded at the end of a day spent in front of the tv or even just a little trip to the mall. girls have so much uneccessary pressure laid on them thinking they need to look or act a certain way. have you seen the halloween costumes advertised for teenage girls? yikes! what the heck is a hoochy cheerleader dracula costume anyway?

and is it just me or do you constantly find yourself picking the 'lesser of two evils'? isn't that sad? example: bratz vs. barbie. i find myself frequently having internal discussions with self: 'hmmmm, do i let them have this? will they be addicted to liposuction and breast enhancing when they get older because i exposed them to unrealistic body proportions by playing with plastic wonder girls?' have you watched any barbie movies lately? i shudder sometimes at the lines spoken in the scripts but hey, they've got to dream too. i let them watch it anyway because they love pretend and hello, it's princess. verily, verily, i don't want to keep them in a bubble. i mean, i don't want them being mormon nuns or anything. ha ha... is there such a thing? discuss.

anyway, for right now i'm just praying that somehow by the time they're my age there will have been some sort of balance occur in the socialization department. but, for now, i am like a mother goose ready to peck the eyes out of anyone or any thing that may deter my little she-ras' thinking that they are anything less than an astronaught princess engineer ballerina latin reading mommy musician ceo who doesn't need to use her looks to get anywhere. 

seriously, how did those bratz dolls get on the market anyway? i'm going to go to wal-mart right now and have a stare-down contest with her for trying to beguile sweet innocence.

and now, may i present, sweet innocence...

i can pray.

i fully and strongly believe in the power of prayer. 

don't you hate that helpless feeling you get when someone is hurt or needs help and you don't know what to do for them (or in my case, how to houdini-out of the bands tying your hands and feet together just so you can go over and give them a hug)? i get a lot of help from people and  i  just love them sooo much, i just want to do something for them. but i can't. i get that feeling a lot, especially since i was was pregnant with twins. i love to serve but there's not a whole lot i can do. i feel like i sit on the sidelines a lot with my feet stuck in cement just observing chaos, tragedy or whatever happen to people including loved ones. how frustrating!

 

then it occurred to me the other day as i was driving and thinking about these people i love and how i really want to do something for them: 

the answer was so simple. duh, haylie.

pray.

i could pray for them! i'm a genius!

ok, i'm not really the genius. the spirit is.

i know it sounds cliche. i know it sounds trite. really though, prayer is such a simple thing to do but i believe the most powerful thing you could do for someone. don't you think? 

which brings me to the button. you may have noticed the new button in my sidebar. there is a family out there i have never spoken to nor met but, like many of you, i have been touched by their story. i have read nie nie's blog before her tragedy, linked to it several times from other blogs. she is a beautiful person; a great mother of 4 very young children; full of talent, creativity and beauty. her family is now struggling with an overwhelming tragedy and i can only think that she and her husband are still alive largely due to the fact that, besides many family and friends, the entire blogging world is also praying on their behalf.

i believe Heavenly Father hears every prayer. so, although it may seem trite; although i may be some stranger to this family--an armless mom who can't even shower on a regular basis--i know there is still something even i can do that is very useful and very powerful for this struggling family.

i will serve because i love to. i will serve because i can. 

i can pray.

and so can you.

mini giselle.

remember the part on enchanted when giselle pages all the animals by singing a little tune out her window to have them help her tidy up robert's apartment? 

that's what hollynd was doing when i took this picture. totally off the cuff; spontaneous.

it just makes me smile. 

she loooooves to pretend.

last sunday she told me her name is vanessa. it has changed at least 6 times since then: beck, raina, marina, tinker bell, anastasia, etc.

makes me want to bottle her up and stick her under my pillow until she turns 21.

photo booth, starring:addie.

where does she find the time to travel the world, around the moon and back again?

the joys of nursing [twins].

one of the number one questions i get asked about having twins is about nursing. i wish i could record the expressions on people's faces when i tell them i'm nursing twins. (and, yes, still nursing twins might i add.) both at the same time sometimes even. {sorry about the way i write. we've been reading junie b. jones as of late and i think it's spilling over into my writing}. i digress. where was i? ah yes. nursing. so... i've always planned to. it's not a big deal especially once you get in the swing of things. it's convenient, it's cheap, it's great for bonding and cuddling plus the nutritional benefits are second to none. bla, bla, bla, bla.

yes, nursing is great but it's no picnic either. 

you can count on many things happening when you nurse babies. i'll tell you about one of them right now.

[this is the part where all the men can go watch sports center or something.]

we went to cabela's for the 4th of july. what's more american than looking at guns on independence day anyway? it was time to feed the twins so i went into the restroom remembering that they had a chair in the handicap stall. in i go with our minivan stroller, pull both twins out and start nursing double barrel. oh the mental image is just killer, no? i don't usually nurse the twins both at the same time in a public place but that particular day i was feeling stellar and thought, why not? everything was running smoothly. nobody else was in the restroom so the double gulping sounds echoing off the walls was music to my ears. 5-10 minutes usually does it for my boys and we were just about there. then--it happened. and the only reason why i'm writing about it now is partly for amusement, partly because it hasn't happened since, partly because people really do ask me if it happens, and partly because those of you who haven't asked KNOW you want to ask. hey--inquiring minds want to know. i digress--at that moment when you could tell they were both about to detach themselves and give that wonderful drunk grin that says, "aaaahhh, thank you mommy"--they bit me. both. at. the. same. time. 

OOOOWWWCH!!

you mommies who are nursing or have nursed any of your babies, recognize that 'OOOOOWWWCH'. yes--you remember the surprise? the incredulity? the shock? THE PAIN?

k, now imagine it coming from both sides at the same time.

i really did scream 'OWCH' without any forethought. it was a literal verbal reflex that so naturally leapt out of my mouth; i could have been sitting in the quietest of sacrament meetings and i still wouldn't have been able to hold that one in.

unfortunately for me, someone came walking in right when i hollered. it couldn't have been choreographed better. 

now, let's revisit that mental image again. 

oh, the horror. 

could you imagine walking into a restroom with only one other person present and then hearing that person yell, "OOOOOWWWCH!" at the top of their lungs?

i'm doubting they saw the double stroller wheels because it was pushed up out of view--sad for me. needless to say, i saw them step one foot in, hesitate a little and then turn around and walk away. 

yep [sigh] stellar feeling's gone. 

thankfully, that was a one-time occurence. hopefully it will never happen again. and believe me, since then i always think twice before feeding them both at the same time. especially now since they both have teeth. yikes. 

double yikes.

i'm glad i could answer those burning questions that you're dying to ask but never knew how to. let me know if you have any more.